year two - christmas
Dearest [INSERT YOUR NAME HERE],
Well, we're rapidly devolving into you're stereotypical old, boring married couple, so we decided to just embrace it and take the plunge. Here it is, folks: The Norah & Aaron Christmas letter. The ultimate acceptance of banality. Our boring lives summed up pathetically in a clip-art-bordered sheet of off-white paper.
Why on earth would we do such a thing? The answer is obvious: We hate you. The Christmas letter is the scourge of the earth. Those of you who keep in close enough contact with us to be interested in our lives (read: no one) already know all of the details. Those of who don't follow our goings-on don't care.
What do you even put in a Christmas letter? Google tells me to include lots of bragging, news about our kids, and possibly some writing from the point of view of our pets. Since we have nothing worth bragging about, no kids, and no pets, here are some LIES:
Bragging:
Norah was recently crowned tallest woman in Virginia, and Aaron's parole was reduced to only five more years.
Children:
Little Edward is nearly 8 inches long by now, and is so smart he never walks into the doorway and hurts his shoulder, which makes him 80% smarter than both his parents.
Pet Point-of-View:
I AM A DEAD FISH.
Merry Christmas, fuckers. Please enjoy the enclosed photo of us doing something asinine.
Love,
norah & aaron