bridesmaids

Well, the bridesmaids are chosen. It really was kind of hard, not because if the overwhelming number of friends I have, but more because almost everyone I speak to on a regular basis is male. Also because I am very hatable and no one likes me.

Anyway, after much soul searching I came up with three females I thought I could convince to spend a ridiculous amount of money on a dress they would only wear once. Luckily, I was right. So, here are the three bridesmaids: Kristin, Emily and Katie.

Maid of Honor - Kristin Fawcett
As a lifelong friend Kristin has had to put up with my crap for longer than almost everyone else. Apparently I am not nearly as irritating as I once thought because after 25 years she is still speaking to me.

Actually, I love Kristin like she was my sister (which she kind of is. Mom only thought to provide me with brothers), and I am very pleased that she is one of the bridesmaids. I guess I never asked her to be in the wedding party. It was just assumed. I called and said I had gotten engaged. She said "about time," and asked what color the dresses were going to be. For anyone who cares they are going to be a very dark red.

Well, Aaron it looks like you are stuck with my "cartoonish voice" for life.

The friendship that Norah and I have is something so unique and rare. When Emily, Norah, and I explain how we know each other, we often say "we were babies together". It always seem to be the best way to describe how long and well we know each other.

I was lucky enough to live with Norah for a summer in Iowa City. I remember people being surprised because we are both, as they put it, "so different". Don't get me wrong, this is somewhat true. I must carry a handbag that matches my outfit, she doesn't care if her entire outfit is mismatched. But our long, deep friendship is what keeps her smiling as I buy another pink shirt and me amused while watching a Buffy marathon with her.

Cha Cha Cha!!!

-Kristin

Matron of Honor - Emily Ratzel, I mean Mozena
Take that, Emily! You are a matron. Aaron told me I was supposed to chose between Kristin and Emily for the maid of honor position, but I told him to screw off. I have never been able to chose between them before and I don't plan on starting now.

Like Kristin, Emily has known me since birth. I am the youngest of the three of us, but got my revenge because I am now the tallest. Anyway, Emily and I were lucky enough to be randomly assigned to dorm rooms across the hall from each other freshman year at Iowa and then we lived together for the next three years. Well, I mean my stuff, well some of it, lived in an apartment where Emily lived and I paid rent. All that aside I am super happy that Emily is going to be in the wedding. She and Kristin have promised me an embarrassing song involving maracas at the reception and they had better come through.

Norah, Kristin and I have known each other forever. Friday nights were always the nights are families hung out, Norah usually watched as Kristin and I played Barbies, or we were running around outside barefoot making up games! The night before I moved away to the Philippines, we cried and huddled up next to each other most of the night. From then on I wrote and kept in touch, Kristin sent letters, and I think that Norah wrote twice (in 10 years)!! But it didn't matter we were best friends for life.

Then college came and like Norah said we were reunited in Burge. I often would use her room as a safe-haven from the smells and such that came from my dorm room. I would also use her fridge to hide food from my very hungry roommates! From then on it always worked out that we would just live together, or that Norah's stuff would live with me!!

Having Norah and Kristin in my wedding last summer was just a given, there was no question that they would stand up with me and I'm so happy to be standing up with Norah. Aaron and Norah, I'm very happy for you and very excited that Kristin and I finally get to sing our song!! Katie I can't wait to meet you and plan an embarassing bachelerette party for Norah (like her wearing a penis on her head and such!)

-Emily

Bridesmaid - Katie Martin
Katie gets the title of being one of the, like, three friends I have made in Pittsburgh. I know she must like me because today she listened to a ten minute speech about how Buffy is the best show ever because the whole time they were in high school they had the same extras. Actually, I have no idea whether or not she listened, but she sat there and that was really all I was looking for.

Katie also has the awesome title of being my stupidity enabler. We have a fun time being jackasses in very public places and then hope none of our students see us. Katie also helps me to irritate high quality bands like Dope. Katie knows she loves them.

It's quite hard to describe Norah in such an archaic mode as text; however, I shall try my utmost to explicate the unusual atomic make-up of that Iowa wunderkind. Norah is the one that gets the party started; nay, she is the party. She makes Pentecostal preachers look like posers. With her unabashed love of life, others more timid or meek are reborn as "kitty"s to partake in her luminous glow. Others shall try to mimic her, but alas, they shall fail and fade away into an abyss of self- loathing. She is the embodiment of free-spirited fun with a splash of bitter sarcasm: truly life's greatest drink.

-Katie

Anyway, those are the bridesmaids. They are the best and if anyone messes with them I am so coming after you.